never would i....

but i wish i had the balls to do this:

Christmas 2010

My sweet little Christmas Elf <3

Presents under the tree?

That little peanut!! i swear hes the best! <3

crumpled wrapping paper.

hes the flying baby!

what?  you've never seen that before?

So i went on yet another journey to Chicago.

and i auditioned for this.

it's called "The glee project" 

it was a crazy (but wonderful experience).

first of all let me tell you something.

Chicago was ffffrrreeeeeeeeezzzing!

so standing in a line of people for over an hour

outside in the cold.

was not exactly something that i would call pleasant.

however meeting some awesome people 

made it worth it.

I did not do as well as i would have hoped for.

but i learned something about me

and the way i do things.

and i perform out of fear. 

a fear of doing poorly 

and also that these people will kill me or something.

i must get over this mentality that i have.

because i am a damn good singer

but my nerves always seem to get in my way!

more auditions to come thats for sure!

anyway i guess this video will sum up the experience of being in the holding room for all of those hours.

in the audition room we went in 4 at a time. and sang our songs. 

they picked who they wanted to move on. 

and the others went home.

i got there at 830 am. 

was not dismissed until 1pm.

the life of a wann-a-be actor.

haha

Ten Years

Ten years ago today.

was the saddest day for a 13 year old girl.

this girl.

it was the first time she had to deal with death.

losing someone she loved so deeply.

someone she had such a strong bond with.

this person helped to shape who this girl was to become 10 years later.

I miss you Grampa.

I miss the way you used to hold my hand when we would walk around the block.

I miss playing darts in your basement and you always letting me win. (despite how bad i was)

I miss those car rides in your blue station wagon picking out the "purple people eaters" (I still spot them and think of you)

I miss your gentle smile

your sweet hugs

and everything that you have ever done for me and with me.

I love you Grampa!

They always say that a girl looks for characteristics in her soulmate to mimick her fathers.

not me. I look for someone who is like him.

My Grandma was the richest woman in the world for having married such a wonderful man

I hope I am half as lucky.

<3

Winter Air

most see the spring as new beginnings

but i disagree. 

i feel that the beginning starts in winter.

fresh crisp air blowing in my face

snowflakes that tickle my nose

and new adventures to be had.

always start in the coldest of months.

i am ready. 

i am excited.

in two weeks i will have auditioned for 

the reality show to find the next glee star

i will have a different monetary situation

and possible a photography business

(MB sister love. lets chat about this!)

new doors are opening.

and i hope that they lead me 

in a direction that will make me happiest.

I know i am early but i have some new goals for the new year

- write down everything

- practice my crafts

-promote a healthier lifestyle for myself

- get inspiration from everything

- learn more monologues

- do not pass up any opportunites 

- be ready for anything

<3

i love my family.

This is what keeps me going. 

i love my family so much.

i would not trade that little monkey

and that big monkey for anything.

<3