All over again...

I very much feel like things were ended with Justin all over again.... but it wasnt the same situation and it wasnt Justin, but i am hurting and reacting the same way i did when it came to him. my whole body was convulsing, I wasnt crying, but i was angry in a very sad way... I need to erase from my life.. just like I did with Justin. it was helpful to get over him when there was no sign of him around... i guess it starts with pictures and putting them in a box....

So new goal.. DONT LET ANYONE BREAK DOWN THE WALL...

lets see how well THAT works...

This hurts. my heart hurts. my head hurts. i am dehydrated from crying. my muscles ache from the convulsions.

Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As i paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you 
Holding on the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should’ve known
I should’ve known

I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale 
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet 
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To come around

Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love 
You had to fight to have the upper hand 
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, well now I know


I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale 
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet 
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down 
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted, but I’m so sorry. . .

Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday
Who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And it’s too late for you and your white horse
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now

Oh try and catch me now
It’s too late to catch me now


-White Horse (Taylor Swift)

*sigh*

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match


Thats what I need... a Yente.

Life Is Like A Box of... Crayons? ((never know which one you're gonna get))

I was looking on myspace at some photographer's page and this is what she wrote.. i read it and now i NEED to share it!

" Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!' "


Thank you girl I dont know for sharing this with me. It has been a little enlightening to me.

Something weird is happening in '09. I dont know what it is, but I certainly do not like it! People are changing, personalities are clashing. I am different. I am unsure of what it is that is happening. It was mentioned to me that maybe it was because the people who "count time" or whatever it is had to add a second or subtract one (i dont think she remembered either) and that could be twisting and messing with people. I dont exactly know how that would affect people and they way there are acting. but '09.... i do not like you!



Onto more interesting matters.
I auditioned this morning for HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2. It was certainly refreshing for me to get back out there and just do an audition. I havent auditioned for anything in 2 years. It was like "wow this is what it feels like to audition and do everything that i love, i forgot how awesome this feels"... auditions suck though... always. its fact. I generally forget my words and can never do dance moves, because i feel like i am 'dancingly chanllenged' and yeah, it's a technical term. But overall, I think I did okay. I am not really expecting to get in, but if i do... i might have a party!!! And if i dont get in, I might be a little bummed but that doesnt mean I wont audition ever again, because this is my life and it will continue to be my life. :o)

Here's a trip down memory lane...

As much as i like the snowy cold weather. i think i miss the days when i can lay on the grass and feel the breeze and enjoy the sun. I am feeling quite nostaligic lately. It's so weird to think about the past and long for the things that are no longer there. Things arent always going to be the same. exactly like the seasons. With the passing of each seasons brings new adventures, love, friends, tears, experiences and memories. It's odd when you really think about even just a year ago. What were you doing? Who was your best friend? Are they still that important to you? What boy was in your life?

.sigh. keep the nostalgia coming!!!!

Food for thought.

It's the new year. Officially. It's here. '09! What is it that I want out of this new year. I have 365 days to make my life into something. If not this year, then maybe '10 will be that year. But lets not get too ahead of ourselves shall we? I do know that graduation is this year, losing 20 pounds is around the corner and continued happiness. Maybe I should change some of my lifestyle in addition to my appearance, how about a boy to last in my life? someone that is just perfect for me in every way. Do I already know him? Will I meet him this year? Is he waiting for me? We'll see... I also want to go green in '09. Be more conscious of the environment and the things that are important. I would like to stick by these things, but do people even make resolutions anymore?

Christmas time is always a sad time for our family. Grandma and Grandpa both died the week before christmas in '99 and '00. Mom and I went to the cemetary on Christmas. It was nice to bring them to the front of my thoughts. I mean I think about them every day whether I know it or not, but just to be standing in front of the tombstone was like "whoa, I have really been living without these people in my life" it was such a shock for me. I mean I used to call them every night before I went to bed when I was in elementary school. I always think, "I wish they could see me in a play, or hear me sing, or watch me act" but I mean I know that they are proud of me and love me, they always have and always will. I wish I had a picture of them on my computer, because I would post it here. When I think of a guy that I want to be with, I try to think of all the qualities Grandpa had. He was the perfect man. He took care of my Grandma like you wouldnt believe. They were so much in love. It was the cutest thing ever. (I of course never realized all this then, but looking back on it, it is so obvious) He was hardworking and caring and loving and funny and I always remember that he gave the best hugs. *sigh* I really do miss them.

Not only was the Cemetary part of my Christmas, but as always there was Chinese food and a movie involved. Mom and I saw four christmases. It was pretty okay. I mean I have seen better movies by the both of them, but overall it was decent. After all that, I went over to Nicole's for the usual Festivities. It was nice and fun.

Day after was a Motley Krew Christmas. Here's just an idea of what we're like...









I also want to keep track of all the things that I learn in this new year. I think its important to learn new things and new ways and what have you. So I'll start right now with a wire hanger will take static out of clothing items by taking the electricity and making it go into the hanger... crazy right???